Formerly Goddess.com

It was many a year ago. I was alone in a cabin in Los Gatos, CA. An age to explore the personal as separate and as one. I had decided already decided that it was true that all paths lead to/as God (Great Gamboo, or whatever is your pleasure, he/she/all/me/you etc....). This decision after much confusing ponderings and conversations, reading alouds and wrestlings, not without the help of my self-proclaimed guru father who could philosophize the skin off of a pomegranite. However, after letting this idea drop to the level of my convictions, I stumbled upon my next great question which necessitated my explorations for quite some time: If all paths lead to/as God (or nameless one), then why is there separation in this world? Why isn't there oneness or harmony, or connectedness known,? Why does each one and each religion speak and act as if there is not one? The main question. So I read. And I pondered in a way too self important way. I asked. I guessed. It was seemingly my personal koan. I looked for and to experience a commonality, not just in thought, but in energys. The partial truth is I had many energy experiences which I could not name. I am an epileptic and my life had been siezure-wise a compilation of so called "para normal" energys. Aura before siezure, deja-vus, premonition and other sensitivities afterwards, and I needed explanation and sensiblility. Beyond the commonality of music and love in mankind, I saw very little BUT separation. I felt alone. Not powerful and not unique, but alone. The start of my breakthru answer came one day when I woke to feel color. No, I did not take drugs, I had been thru that maze already. I felt color. Color's energy. It was vibrant, vibrating, effervesent, alive, bright, full of energy, shimmering, pulsing, with clarity and purpose: To be color. Beyond adjectives, I inhaled it's energy, the waves running into me and through me. Very amazing. I took a walk downtown. Then I encountered people. Oh my gods, I was feeling the energy surrounding people. Im not kidding. It overwhelmed me at times, and flew at me as they passed. I absorbed some of it and I was compelled to physically duct to dodge it. I felt as a prisoner of my own experience and became fearful of this energy's strengths. I was afraid and I returned home. I was afraid of the power, my power, it's power, whoever's I thought, or combination there of. This was merely my beginning of understanding the purpose, my pupose, our purpose of the expression of separation as not separate from the I that is we. And many years ago. And on and on. I will say, though, that ONE of the end answers to my question is so very simple that it alluded me for so very long: How would I know oneness in less I had separtion to compare it to?

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Comment by Necrono on February 22, 2009 at 7:06am
Interesting revalation. What struck me in your explanation was the fear that you had of the overwhelming presence of the undefined communal attribute. When I was reading, I thought that too many people are likely afraid of that overwhelming feeling to face it and remain attuned to it. Fear can detract us from even things that we know are right, and it is a shame if fear is what has led to the seperation between us, and our spiritual communities. :)


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